Hate to Love Read online

  "His name is James," I say. "James Joseph Lawson."

  Joe's eyes widen, and he looks speechless.

  I reach out and gather him into a tight hug. Over the last month, we've tried our best to work through the tension between us. At first, it was purely for Julie. I've been working on renovating my childhood home, so she and I will have a place to stay when we visit home, but it's not ready yet. So, we ended up staying with Joe at his place. The first few days of being under the same roof were mostly about learning to tolerate each other, but then we started to get to know each other again. Finally, we had the painful, intense conversation that's been building between us for years. I apologized to him and explained everything I had told Julie. We haven't quite gotten back to where we were, but we've come farther than I ever thought we would, and I hope we'll continue getting closer. Especially because of what I’m going to ask him later.

  "I need to get back in there with Julie, but can I talk to you later?"

  "Sure. Now, introduce me to my nephew."

  I grin and start toward the doors that lead back into the maternity ward. Gloria is rushing back down the hall, so we wait for her to catch up before heading toward the nurse's desk. They direct us to the room where they've moved Julie. When we step inside, she looks up, and her face breaks into the most joyful smile I've ever seen. Someone has helped her change into a baby blue nightgown and brushed her hair, but I know she will never look more beautiful than she did the moment James first cried.

  Gloria gasps and rushes toward the bed. Setting the flowers on the table, she leans down to kiss Julie's cheek before running her hand over James's head.

  "This is James," Julie said, tilting her arm to better display the tiny baby she cradles.

  "Congratulations," Gloria says. "He's perfect."

  "Alright, everybody out of the way. I have a nephew to hold."

  Joe walks up to the bed, and Julie hands the baby to him.

  "You can call him James all you want, but I'm going with Little Joe."

  ********

  Two hours later, Joe and I are walking across the café on the bottom floor of the hospital, carrying cups of coffee. We sit across from each other in large black chairs set next to a bay window that overlooks a meditation garden outside.

  "So, what did you want to talk about?" he asks.

  I take a sip of my coffee.

  "I heard from Coach yesterday," I say.

  "Is everything OK?" he asks.

  "I haven't told Julie any of this. I wanted to talk to you first. He's been consulting with the specialist, and their final recommendation is that I shouldn’t play again. They say the injury has healed really well, but there will always be a serious risk, and they can't be completely sure how I’d react if I got hit like that again."

  "That was always a possibility," Joe says. "You were preparing for it."

  "I know," I say. "In a way, it's a relief to finally know."

  "Are you alright?"

  "I am," I say. "To be honest, I’m less upset than I thought I would be."

  "Really? Why?"

  “I've had a great career. I've made plenty of money to live off of. And, thanks to your talented sister, I'm still enough of a household name that I will have endorsements, speaking opportunities, and who knows what else offered to me. I don't need to play anymore. I'm going to miss it, of course. But seeing my son today has confirmed that nothing is worth putting myself at risk of not being able to be the father he deserves. And thankfully, I was really well insured. I'll have more than enough to take care of the three of us. This is exactly what Julie and I prepared for. I never thought I'd have to bank on my reputation because of an injury, but I’m okay with how this all worked out. There's only one thing I need, and that's why I needed to talk to you."

  "What is it?"

  "My family. As long as I have Julie and our baby, I can handle anything. I want to ask your permission to propose to her."

  Joe doesn't hesitate.

  "I'd be honored to be able to call you my brother," he says.

  We stand and hug, and I clap him on the back.

  "Thank you," I say.

  "Absolutely."

  ********

  I'm cradling James in my arms and murmuring to him when Julie wakes up that evening. She turns her head and smiles at me.

  "What are you saying to him?" she asks.

  "I was just telling him that he needs to get ready to start football practice next week," I say.

  Julie laughs.

  "Not so fast," she says. "Don't rush him."

  "Well, lucky for him, whenever he's ready, he'll have his daddy and his uncle to teach him. He can be the first one we enroll in our new camp."

  She tilts her head slightly.

  "New camp?"

  I stand and settle the baby in her arms.

  "I can’t play anymore," I tell her. "I heard from Coach, and he told me the doctors don't recommend I come back. I'm going to have to officially retire."

  Her expression drops slightly.

  "I'm so sorry," she says.

  "Don't be," I say, shaking my head. “I'm at peace with this. It's the right thing. For our family and me. Joe and I spent some time talking while you were sleeping, and we've decided to expand the camp. It's not only going to be a summer thing anymore. We're going to run it yearlong and focus on getting disadvantaged kids into football, working on their skills, and finding scholarship opportunities. We will be there for them in a way no one, except your brother, was there for me."

  "That sounds incredible."

  "It does. But there's one more thing that would be even better."

  "What?"

  "I was the one lying in a hospital bed when I told you there was something I wanted to ask you, but that it wasn't the time or place."

  She nods.

  "I've been trying to find the best time, and the best place, and the best way. This isn't what I would have imagined, but today has been the most wonderful day of my life. I can't think of a better moment to tell you I love you with every ounce of my being than while you sit here with our newborn son. I want to love you every day for the rest of my life, and I don’t want to go another without asking you this. Julie, will you marry me?"

  One hand flies up to cover her mouth, and for a moment she sits there in silence, stunned. Finally, she takes her hand away and nods.

  "Yes," she says. "Yes. I will marry you, Shane Lawson."

  I capture her mouth and we kiss deeply.

  Everything has changed in such a short amount of time. Compared to a year ago, my life is barely recognizable now.

  And I realize I would never want it any other way.

  Epilogue

  Julie

  Three months later...

  As I climb the bleachers, I hold James close to me, shielding him against the heat of the midday sun. I suddenly think of the night Shane took me under these very stands, and giggle to myself. My son echoes the sound, and reaches up to my face, clasping my nose as I sit down. I’m grateful that I had remembered the blue-and-gold cushioned seat to protect me from the hot metal threatening to burn my ass cheeks. Little James doesn't seem to mind the heat under the brim of the floppy sun hat that has become a mainstay of my wardrobe this summer. In his tiny football jersey onesie and hat of his own, he seems content as long as he can occasionally reach up and touch my face or nuzzle into my chest.

  I look down at the field stretched out in front of me. Two sets of high school squads are lined up against each other, flags hanging from their sides. In the sweltering July heat, it’s good to see several people on the sidelines, making cups of water and rushing them to boys as they come off the field. Even in their light gear, I know the Virginia heat is miserable and possibly even dangerous. Shane told me they discussed hydration and staying safe in the heat months ago before they even touched a field, when they were still meeting in a classroom for lessons. In the middle of the two squads, on the sideline opposite me, stand Shane and Joe.


  "Hey, hey, calm down guys, calm down," Shane calls out. "I'm retired. Zeke, come over here.

  The quarterback heads over to Shane, and I can see Shane put one arm on his shoulder and begin talking to him. Soon, the boy turns around and runs back to the huddle. Shane looks up and sees me. Picking up James' little hand, I have him wave to his daddy. Shane beams and waves back to him. I blow him a kiss, but Shane just smiles and turns around. I should have known better. He couldn't possibly respond to something so mushy while standing on a football field. But I know I'll get my fair share of kisses when we get home, and James is asleep for the night.

  As the boys go back to practicing for the final few minutes of their session, I turn my attention to James and all the things our little family has planned over the next few weeks. Our wedding is less than twenty days away, and I have been in a planning frenzy. My wedding planner has been a godsend, going over last-minute questions and concerns, finalizing menu items, and taking every emergency I managed to create in my head and turn it into a stunning idea. I quickly learned that when it comes to weddings, "stunning" almost always also happens to mean exorbitantly expensive. It took Shane overhearing me haggling over the price of napkins before I stopped pushing back and started enjoying spending the money.

  He told me it was part of my expense account.

  I know I shouldn't have even thought about it. Shane was wealthy before, but after the accident, he received a hefty settlement. Coach also gave him a well-paying job as a consultant for the team. Along with speaking engagements with young players about field safety, his ongoing endorsements, and occasional guest appearances on sports news shows, he is even busier than when he played.

  As long as it doesn’t interfere with the camp. Now that they’re close again, Joe and Shane have become intensely devoted to the redesigned football camp. I know being so fully immersed in football is thrilling for both of them, but in just a few weeks, Shane will be away from it all for fourteen days on our honeymoon. I have obsessed about the details of that trip perhaps more than the wedding itself. It will be my first vacation as an adult. As much as I will miss the soft, gurgling ball of happiness currently sitting in my lap and testing which finger tastes the best, spending two weeks alone with Shane sounds like pure bliss. Knowing Gloria, as I've finally been invited to call her, is coming to help Joe take care of James puts me at ease and gives me the confidence to relax and enjoy the time with Shane.

  Whistles blow as the boys stream off the field and head for the locker rooms. Shane jogs behind them but veers off toward the bleachers. He runs up to me like I've seen him do countless times during his ongoing physical therapy. When he gets to me, he leans down to kiss me deeply.

  "Hey, you," he says, then turns his attention to James, kissing his head as well. "What’s up, tiny coach?"

  "We decided to come and watch a little of the practice today. Is that kid Zeke the one you were talking about?"

  "Yeah, that's him. He has a rocket for an arm, but no discipline. It reminds me of someone..."

  "That'd be Shane Lawson you're thinking of," interrupts Joe as he makes his way up the stairs. "Though this kid might actually make something of himself, you know."

  Shane swats at him playfully.

  "I think the rings I have at home might disagree about the whole not making anything of himself part," Shane says, a smile spreading across his face.

  "Eh," says Joe, shrugging, "the only ring you ever got that mattered, you put on a lady's finger. Isn't that right, Julie?"

  I smile at my brother as he slaps Shane on the back and laughs.

  "You guys can head on out. I'll do the roundup downstairs with the kids and send them on their way. Get that baby out of the damned heat."

  "Thanks, Uncle Joe," I say in a silly voice, waving James' hand at his uncle.

  My brother has only gotten more attached to James since his birth. James was our father's name, and Joe was determined to honor it. This meant every Tuesday night little James sat in the giant ugly chair in the living room and watched pro wrestling with Joe, just like Joe had done with Dad. So far, James has a standing record of about twenty minutes before he is asleep, and on a couple of occasions Shane and I have come home from a very speedy date to find them fast asleep together, the TV droning on in the background.

  "Sure, kiddo," Joe says, and I am not entirely sure if he is talking to James or to me.

  He kisses James on the head and heads down the stairs. As he does, Shane offers a hand and helps me up. Grabbing the giant baby bag I brought with me, he takes James as well and holds him proudly as we walk down the stairs. I pick up my seat and follow behind them. As I watch my boys walk back toward the football field, I sigh happily.

  Shane

  Three weeks later…

  I wake up feeling more refreshed than I have in a long time and look at the clock. It’s only six in the morning, but I don't feel like laying around. Julie sleeps soundly beside me, and I want to make her morning special, so I slip out of bed and head into the kitchen.

  The resort we are staying in is well known for its incredible beaches and nightlife, but the thing that Julie had mentioned more than anything else was the chef’s kitchen and floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. Despite her disclaimer to Gloria a year ago, my wife has proven to be an exceptional cook, and even has real plates waiting in our new house for when we get home. We decided not to move into the renovated house until after the wedding, wanting to start our new life as husband and wife.

  This morning, it's me who is happy about the kitchen as I set out the pans and materials to make breakfast for her. I don't want to wake her up quite this early, however, so I decide to shower and have some coffee. I turn on the coffeemaker and fill the liner with my favorite roast before heading to the bathroom. The room itself is enormous. A giant shower stands next to a claw foot tub overlooking the ocean. Turning on the hot water, I remove my trunks and climb inside. As I turn around to rinse my back, I notice a leg coming into the shower. The rest of Julie's body is hidden by the shower curtain, but her foot hovers over an inch or so over the water at the bottom of the shower, seemingly testing the temperature.

  I grin as I yank the shower curtain aside. Julie yelps and instinctively covers herself up, then laughs as she drops her arms to her sides. I chuckle and reach for her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her inside the shower me. She giggles as I place her under the water, and my cock twitches at the sound, not to mention the warmth of her increasingly slick, nude body now pressed against me.

  I lean in and kiss her under the water while she melts into me. I know it is hot, so I turn the temperature down a bit as she begins to apply soap to her loofah. I watch as she cleans herself, barely holding myself together as the bubbles cascade down her slim neck, between her supple breasts and down the curve of her inner thigh. I hunger for her, and as soon as I see she is done with the soap, and her body is turned away from me, I reach for her waist and pull her close.

  My erection pushes into her bottom as I kiss her neck. Julie lays her head back on my shoulder and puts one hand behind my head as I reach for her breast and squeeze. Her other hand drops low and reaches back to my engorged cock and begins to massage it gently. I return the favor by taking my other hand from her waist and sliding it down to her core, finding her clit quickly and swirling the pad of my finger around it. Her breath hitches and I feel her clench into me. Her mouth reaches my ears, and she nibbles on the lobe before whispering "please."

  Her request sends a new wave of desire rushing through me, and I push her against the wall of the shower and pull her hips to me. She obliges, a smile on her face as she looks back at me. She knows how I much I crave her, and even though my plan for a surprise breakfast may be out the window, this is much better anyway. The slickness of her body in the water, combined with the fluids her body produces for me, allows me to slide into her easily. I can feel her walls enveloping my girth and stretching to accommodate me.

  I begin to thrus
t into her rhythmically and she follows my lead, bouncing back into me in time. My rigid cock disappears deeper and deeper inside of her with every thrust. Soon she is almost completely bent over, her hands on the bottom of the shower as I grasp onto her hips to take control. I begin to thrust harder and faster, and the sounds pouring from Julie let me know she is about to reach climax. Her legs begin to shake and she calls out my name as I thrust impossibly deep inside of her, letting her ride the wave of her release. But I am not done yet, and neither is she. Not even close.

  Julie stands back up and I take her hand, beckoning her to follow me as I turn the water off.

  "But I'm all wet," she says.

  "I know," I say, grinning devilishly at her.

  Julie

  I follow my new husband to the bedroom still dripping wet from the shower and watch as he opens the curtain to the large window that leads out onto the porch. I know that we are high up in a building that only looks out onto a private beach for resort guests, so I don't worry about covering up again. Shane turns to me and before he can say anything, I reach up and kiss him deeply. He relaxes, and I part from his lips long enough to tell him to lay down.

  A smile stretches across his face as he climbs onto the bed, stretching out and resting his head on a pillow. His cock is standing straight up, and I lean down to lick it. I can hear him groan in pleasure as I celebrate him with my tongue. I feel his throbbing erection stretch into my throat and I squeeze my lips around him, taking as much as I can, using my tongue to provide as much stimulation as possible.

  As I pull my mouth away and begin to lick the tip of the head, he’s staring straight at me, and we make eye contact. My pussy aches to be filled by him, so I slowly stand on my knees and straddle him. I lean back into him and feel him slide into me again, my body more than prepared for him. The feeling of fullness is overwhelming as I place my hands on his sculpted chest and begin to rock back and forth.